I Signed My Name Countless Times Yesterday

November 17, 2009 by Adam in Adam

I spent yesterday afternoon writing my name dozens of times, part of the process of getting the house refinanced.  The only thing left is for Jamie to sign the deed in the next couple days.  By the end of the week, the house should be in my name and Jamie should have a big gob of cash to start looking for a new house.

I think everyone's mental health is doing okay.  Emma's on the mend from being sick over the weekend.  She continues to try and figure out how to navigate having separating parents.  Last night she tucked Jamie into bed and read her a story.  I can sense a certain amount of neediness in her, just wanting the reassurance that someone's going to be around.  Sam's more subdued.  I've heard him wonder out loud a few times about what the new house will be like, but that's about it.

Jamie and I remain cordial, which I think is a huge benefit to the kids.  My mom has already assigned Jamie and the kids cooking tasks for Thanksgiving, and I hope she can be there.

The next big change will be when Jamie finds work, and again when she moves out.  I'm not quite sure of the order of those things.  Already I'm trying to figure out options, such as making sure I could pick up the kids from school and work from home in the afternoon.  So much depends on what Jamie's work schedule ends up looking like.

Finances for the upcoming year will be tight but doable, at least on paper.  I'm making lists of furniture I think I'll need to replace and checking in with family to see if they have spare tables, chairs, and couches tucked away somewhere.  After spousal support, child support, and mortgage costs, I think I have $1200 per month for utilities, food, gas, and everything else.  Sadly no Hawaiian vacations seem on the horizon.

Still, I think I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing.  Now I'm off to the gym at work where I hope to run away from my problems on the treadmill.  Strangely I've yet to get anywhere.

I'm sitting in bed this Veteran's day, starin...

November 11, 2009 by Adam in Adam

I'm sitting in bed this Veteran's day, staring out the window as dawn breaks over our quiet neighborhood. Emma will likely wake up soon and we'll start the usual routine of breakfast and getting dressed and playing together. I'm taking the day off and the kids have no school, so I'm predicting a mocha in my future. Life's going to be okay.

I still have moments of sadness that sneak up on me, but in general I think I'm doing relatively well. Little things get to me sometimes, such as when Emma insisted on drawing Jamie and I holding hands. After I pointed out things had changed, she added tears, frowns, and broken hearts. I think the kids have some rough times ahead, so the plan is to just be around them and reassure them they'll be okay.

Today the appraisal comes in, which is the last financial unknown. After that, there are questions about what job Jamie will get, along with where she'll live. Once that gets sorted out, we can start figuring out schedules with the kids. Hopefully we can find something that works for everyone.

As for the rest of my life, it's remarkably full and busy. I'm still working on the compost tumbler and planning a garden for next year. Swing dance lessons go well and I might even try a social dance in a month or so. I think I've stopped dramatically losing weight and continue to lift weights and run regularly. My ankle occasionally bothers me, but seems mostly healed. I've appreciated everyone checking up on me, family and friends.

Emma's up, so the day has begun.

I'm letting myself have a few sad days lately

November 03, 2009 by Adam in Adam

I'm letting myself have a few sad days lately. We had our counseling session on Monday and the counselor said, "I'm not sure why you're getting divorced." Stuff like that makes me crazy and I've spent the last few days pretty weepy. Crying yourself to sleep is only cool in teen romance novels.

I keep trying to get back to the confident and hopeful Adam of last Friday. Unfortunately I seem to be full of regret and second-thoughts. The reality feels that I can't do much about this, so I continue to march ahead with dividing up the finances and getting things ready for Jamie to move out. I think we'll be talking to the kids soon, which breaks my heart just thinking about it.

I'm working on a new version of this site with a new URL. It's not quite ready yet, but has all the new bells and whistles expected in web sites these days.

There's going to be a downtime for the web site this Thursday, as my ISP is switching things around. Hopefully it's not too long.