Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

June 04, 2010 by Adam in Adam

It was a rough day yesterday and this morning. I'm sipping my mocha, taking a breath, and thinking of the things I can do to make things better. It's what we parents and grown-ups do.

I went to Emma's last Coyote Kids class, where she gave a presentation. They must have started early, as though I was a little late, they were nearly done when I arrived. Emma was sad and nervous, thinking I'd forgotten about her. In the car afterward, all these feelings bubbled up for her, that she was afraid I wouldn't love her if Joanna and her kids moved in. We Skyped later, where we talked about things she worried about and generally felt sad to be apart.

While I was cleaning the house and getting ready to go to Joanna's house, Sam called. He was bored, feeling like he had nothing to do. We talked about game design and he texted me a couple pictures of his concept art. We chatted while I drove, eventually wishing him good night sometime after 9 p.m.



That night Joanna and I had a good talk about things, trying to take reasonable steps to make sure our kids felt loved and supported, creating sensible house rules, and finding time to spend with our kids individually. This morning was pretty rough, with much screaming from Berry and Duncan. I remember what it was like to move young kids through the various routines, and when two of them decide they'd rather be playing, it can make for quite the challenge. Joanna was feeling overwhelmed by it all, worried I might be having second thoughts about moving in.

In a funny way, it's almost a relief. Our councilor talked about a honeymoon period, followed by a lot of acting up. It sounds like we're in the expected next phase now.

Short-term, my plan is to spend a lot of time with Sam and Emma. I'm going to Emma's award ceremony this afternoon where she's getting an award. Sam's wanting to learn how to program and design games, and I hope to work on that with him this weekend. I also have a lot of days I'm taking off to watch the kids when Jamie works and my mom and Josh are out of town.

Longer-term, I want to work on house rules and establishing new routines so that the house is relatively harmonious. Joanna and I hope to set up time with our own kids, everyone together, and the two of us alone. There may be some rearranging of the house so that people get an appropriate amount of space without being too far away.

I also emailed my mom yesterday, telling her that I wasn't going to send Sam along on the trip. I tried to do it in person, but my crazy schedule and pathological tendency to avoid conflict ended up with the impersonal email approach. She really wanted Sam to go along with her, so I certainly understand her being upset. I need to call her soon.

As for tonight, Joanna and I are going to the library to listen to music and pick up an audiobook I put on hold for Sam. I'm really looking forward to seeing my kids tomorrow. I continue to be both happy and sad, doing what I can to make life better.