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From Jed, Amara and Satchi to Dorothy & Frank...
January 30, 2001 by Danica in Danica Miller
From Jed, Amara and Satchi to Dorothy & Franklin:
We have been wondering how/what to say and today this email arrived that is more eloquent than either of us could be. It reminds us that we want to send you our love and let you know that we are holding both of you in our hearts... Godspeed.
A farewell from a literary giant:
Gabriel Garcia Marquez has retired from public life because of health reasons: cancer of the lymph nodes. It seems that it is getting worse. He has sent this farewell letter to his friends, which has been translated and posted on the Internet. This is possibly, sadly, one of the last gifts to humanity from a true master.
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If for an instant God were to forget that I am a rag doll and gifted me with a piece of life, possibly I wouldn't say all that I think, but rather I would think of all that I say.
I would value things, not for their worth but for what they mean.
I would sleep little, dream more, understanding that for each minute we close our eyes we lose sixty seconds of light.
I would walk when others hold back, I would wake when others sleep.
I would listen when others talk, and how I would enjoy a good chocolate ice cream!
If God were to give me a piece of life, I would dress simply, throw myself face first into the sun, baring not only my body but also my soul.
My God, if I had a heart, I would write my hate on ice, and wait for the sun to show. Over the stars I would paint with a Van Gogh dream a Benedetti poem, and a Serrat song would be the serenade I'd offer to the moon. With my tears I would water roses, to feel the pain of their thorns, and the red kiss of their petals . . .
My God, if I had a piece of life . . . I wouldn't let a single day pass without telling the people I love that I love them. I would convince each woman and each man that they are my favorites, and I would live in love with love.
I would show men how very wrong they are to think that they cease to be in love when they grow old, not knowing that they grow old when they cease to be in love!
To a child I shall give wings, but I shall let him learn to fly on his own.
I would teach the old that death does not come with old age, but with forgetting.
So much have I learned from you, oh men . . .
I have learned that everyone wants to live on the peak of the mountain, without knowing that real happiness is in how it is scaled.
I have learned that when a newborn child squeezes for the first time with his tiny fist his father's finger, he has him trapped forever.
I have learned that a man has the right to look down on another only when he has to help the other get to his feet.
From you I have learned so many things, but in truth they won't be of much use, for when I take them within this suitcase, unhappily I shall be dying.
GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ
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From the McIntyres (Dorothy and Mac):
We j...
January 29, 2001 by Danica in Danica Miller
From the McIntyres (Dorothy and Mac):
We just received your e-mail this morning. Thank you all so very much for letting us know of your needs. Your entire family will be in our prayers constantly because I suppose of the men whom we have known in our long lives, Franklin ranks up there in the top two or three. Admiration, respect, and a role model for everyone he has known in his life. We know how important his family has been to him and we are so happy that you are all able to be with him to share these difficult days.
A Navajo prayer:
Happily may I walk.
May it be beautiful before me.
May it be beautiful behind me.
May it be beautiful below me.
May it be beautiful above me.
May it be beautiful all around me.
In beauty it is finished.
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Memories from Bob and Lib Christie:
Lib: W...
January 29, 2001 by Danica in Danica Miller
Memories from Bob and Lib Christie:
Lib: When you had the [boat] hanger in Erie and you were kind enough to take us for the first time. We took the plastic cover off and disconnected most of the other connections (hose electric etc.), and Lib started to say disconnect the telephone, when the captain said ôSit down.ö We backed out, pulling the telephone wires with us! I had put up the mast when the captain decided to go back into the hanger. We broke part of the mast. Captain said "AGAIN?!"
Bob: The trip from Buffalo on one and a half engines. All the trips to Dover! We enjoyed more trips on Keyco than any family I know who could not buy a boat of their own!
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The following are messages to Franklin from L...
January 28, 2001 by Danica in Danica Miller
The following are messages to Franklin from Lew and Ellie Davies and Dave Bainer(who is visiting him this weekend):
Lew: I'll never forget those get-away flights in the Beechcraft Bonanza with Stan and you and me. Remember the time when we thought we were going to Las Vegas but when you filed the flight plan Stan said "Where in hell are we going?" You calmly reported "New Orleans - the weather is bad in Las Vegas". Upon arriving, we found the National Brewers Convention had filled all the rooms. At the hotel, bypassing the long lines at the desk and being the suave Treasurer of our group, I greased the palm of the reservation clerk with a ten-spot (it would take fifty today!) and, oh, yes, Mr. Davies, right this way for your room. And how we did save money in that bar where the price of drinks was right!! Those were the days, old friend.........
Dave: I've never forgotten that you were the one who taught me how to sail . It has been of lasting enjoyment ever since on the waters of Rhode Island. I remember especially the day we raced in the morning at Pymatuning and then "stepped the mast", trailed the boat back to Conneaut Lake and raced again in the afternoon. Great memories!
Ellie: I remember taking little David to picnics at your cottage at the lake; the shower you and Dorothy and the Conovers gave for Lew and me with "Everything But the Kitchen Sink" when everyone got loaded on the pre-chilled Martinis (Lew says they were Manhattans); and all those gala tureens. Best of all was when you invited Howard 'n Alice to join us on your boat and it was a high point in their lives. You have always been great about "sharing your toys". Love you.
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Several people have started sending messages ...
January 28, 2001 by Danica in Danica Miller
Several people have started sending messages for us to share with Dad. This came from the Unitarian minister in Meadville, Kate Walker. Although more general in content, it was so warm and encouraging that I thought it would be good to share with everyone:
I suspect your experiences will continue to challenge you in ways you never thought possible. If anyone had told you ahead of time what you would be going through, you may have thought you wouldn't be able to do it. In other words, you are probably discovering you have more internal resources than you thought you did. This is a good time to reflect upon memories and the love your family has shared, I hope your reflections come with warmth and hope for the future. Be sure and allow yourself a lot of latitude for unusual behavior. For example, the first thing I did when my father died was paint my nails, not something I do very often! But it was self care.
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One of the best ways for me to process events...
January 28, 2001 by Danica in Danica Miller
One of the best ways for me to process events and emotions is by taking photographs. I asked my family if they minded if I took pictures of them during our time together here in Florida. The image below was the first picture I took of Dad once I got the OK. I am using a new Advantix camera. Not being used to it I pulled the film in and out incorrectly while taking pictures during our visit to Florida at Christmas. When I ran the same roll through again this week, I ended up with a double exposed roll. Fortunately there were several happy accidents, this image being one. ItÆs interesting to me that both my son Ben and my Dad were more than willing to look me directly in the eye.
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We are getting better at our nursing routines
January 27, 2001 by Danica in Danica Miller
 We are getting better at our nursing routines. Dad is usually up in the morning around 9 or so. We get him into a wheel chair [he hates lying in bed all the time!] and he either has some breakfast looking out on the back yard, or at the table with us. Then the nurse's aide arrives to bathe and do basic grooming. Yesterday he stayed up for a while after that, but often he goes back to sleep.
Then he's up again in the afternoon. Yesterday he decided to watch Oprah! Some evenings we watch TV. On Wed. we viewed a video I made last week of Ben's most recent jazz band concert (where he starred on the piano) Everyone's toes were tapping! Plans are already in place for a modest Super Bowl "party". As the NY representative, I'm ready to keep things rowdy by rooting for the Giants!
Our main concern is managing the pain. We switched medications yesterday and for now it seems we have mastered that hurdle. When I got up this morning at 6:30 the note left by Lohring and Yayoe from 12:30am said "no pain reported". Hopefully we will be able to maintain that as status quo.
Thanks again to everyone for love, healing thoughts and support. We are most grateful!
From Polly Cosyns 1/27/01
On another note, tell Franklin that of all of our excursions together (on boats, namely) I remember most an airplane ride from Ft. Myers to Meadville in winter-time (possibly January) when most of the trip was in heavy clouds, and I thought that there was no need to worry because Franklin was the pilot. When we landed in Meadville there was ice on the runway, and it was a slippery walk to the hangar. (My Mother was in the hospital and a decision had to be made about a nursing home.) Howie and I, along with a multitude of friends, have many visual reminders of our visits to Inverness and Meadville over the years --warm, wonderful memories indeed. I met Sammy when we were both in 7th grade at East End High School, and I spent many hours in the Miller home on Alden Street and was quite in awe of Sammy's big, older, wiser brothers. It was quite a thing in l937 to have your own airplane, or at least it was to a l3-year old from the depression Mid-West. So you see I go back a long way with your Dad and Mother.
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Many thanks for posting your entries and the ...
January 25, 2001 by Yayoe in Danica Miller
 Many thanks for posting your entries and the wonderful baby movies on the Internet. We look forward to clicking on to your website and seeing the family. I'm so glad and relieved we are here with your grandparents and Danica. Franklin's spirits are good but he is slowly fading away. It was only yesterday that the word CANCER was communicated to Dorothy and Franklin. I think we all knew at a deeper level that it was the BIG C. Today, Franklin and Dorothy started a dialogue about his concerns, e.g., selling the Florida
house and their boat.
Hospice service began yesterday with a team of caring and skilled nurses and aides. We are learning a lot about how to physically, medically, and spiritually care for a loved one. So far it takes all of us plus hospice to do the care mostly because we are so inexperienced. Our main concern is
keeping Franklin pain free but it is not always possible because he has a high pain threshold and doesn't like to complain.
He was up twice today having meals with us. He eats only small amounts but it is great to have him sitting at the table with us. We are all eating like small but growing piglets. This stress eating is not good but it is sure
comfortiing. Your dad is trying his best not to eat more than a bag of Kettle chips at a time. Danica got us hooked on Salsa and chips now. And of course, I still have my evening glass of wine with Dorothy.
She is hanging in there and trying to get her bills and the mail under control. It's amaziing how quickly the days have whizzed by. We have times of great sadness and tears and the other times are like normal...laughing, talking, watching TV etc.
Franklin let me massage his feet and back. It's a preventive measure since his skin is very fragile. We are trying to prevent bed sores....a dreded nemisis once it starts.
We've talked about a transitional care plan after we leave on the 31st (if all goes well). Dorothy will hire a private duty aide to sit with Franklin during the late night. Your dad and I are sitting up until 1 or 2 a.m. so we can help him with pain meds and turning. So enough for now. I'll be in touch.
Please share this with the family. Love Y and Daddo
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