Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

June 04, 2010 by Adam in Adam

It was a rough day yesterday and this morning. I'm sipping my mocha, taking a breath, and thinking of the things I can do to make things better. It's what we parents and grown-ups do.

I went to Emma's last Coyote Kids class, where she gave a presentation. They must have started early, as though I was a little late, they were nearly done when I arrived. Emma was sad and nervous, thinking I'd forgotten about her. In the car afterward, all these feelings bubbled up for her, that she was afraid I wouldn't love her if Joanna and her kids moved in. We Skyped later, where we talked about things she worried about and generally felt sad to be apart.

While I was cleaning the house and getting ready to go to Joanna's house, Sam called. He was bored, feeling like he had nothing to do. We talked about game design and he texted me a couple pictures of his concept art. We chatted while I drove, eventually wishing him good night sometime after 9 p.m.



That night Joanna and I had a good talk about things, trying to take reasonable steps to make sure our kids felt loved and supported, creating sensible house rules, and finding time to spend with our kids individually. This morning was pretty rough, with much screaming from Berry and Duncan. I remember what it was like to move young kids through the various routines, and when two of them decide they'd rather be playing, it can make for quite the challenge. Joanna was feeling overwhelmed by it all, worried I might be having second thoughts about moving in.

In a funny way, it's almost a relief. Our councilor talked about a honeymoon period, followed by a lot of acting up. It sounds like we're in the expected next phase now.

Short-term, my plan is to spend a lot of time with Sam and Emma. I'm going to Emma's award ceremony this afternoon where she's getting an award. Sam's wanting to learn how to program and design games, and I hope to work on that with him this weekend. I also have a lot of days I'm taking off to watch the kids when Jamie works and my mom and Josh are out of town.

Longer-term, I want to work on house rules and establishing new routines so that the house is relatively harmonious. Joanna and I hope to set up time with our own kids, everyone together, and the two of us alone. There may be some rearranging of the house so that people get an appropriate amount of space without being too far away.

I also emailed my mom yesterday, telling her that I wasn't going to send Sam along on the trip. I tried to do it in person, but my crazy schedule and pathological tendency to avoid conflict ended up with the impersonal email approach. She really wanted Sam to go along with her, so I certainly understand her being upset. I need to call her soon.

As for tonight, Joanna and I are going to the library to listen to music and pick up an audiobook I put on hold for Sam. I'm really looking forward to seeing my kids tomorrow. I continue to be both happy and sad, doing what I can to make life better.

They Pay Me To Do This

May 15, 2010 by Adam in Adam

I put together a short video of my work trip.  Yes, they actually paid me to do this.

All Work and No Play Makes Adam a Dull Boy

May 12, 2010 by Adam in Adam

It was another interesting day at our team's face to face meetings.  While originally intended for the woman behind me, we all tried on the pink wig Summer brought for everyone.  Lisa and her husband live on an island off the coast and we had dinner at her house this afternoon.  The weather was beautiful and the scenery amazing.

It'll be nice to get back home, though.  I especially miss Emma, who texted me "Frum Emma.  I love you." after I took a picture and sent it to Jamie's phone.

Naked Mole Rat

May 07, 2010 by Adam in Adam

We've had a project at work that involves redoing our Internet site. It's been a comedy of errors, with vendors coming and going, and assorted obstacles and delays along the way. As of this week, we've finally been given permission to dig in and try to fix things ourselves. It's been a little crazy, with no documentation and occasionally vague requirements, but it's also been tremendous fun and satisfying to actually accomplish things. That being said, I have taken to talking to the naked mole rat that Seraph gave me long ago. This morning Joanna snuck into my cubicle and put together a little movie of my quirky cubicle hijinks.

Mocha Friday

April 23, 2010 by Adam in Adam

I'm slowly working my way through my Friday mocha, answering e-mails and chats and the like. I have some code to write, but it's of the fun sort that I'm actually eager to get to.

Joanna and I took Duncan and Berry to work briefly on Thursday. Thursday night was my bachelor night, full of errands and house chores. I returned all the Comcast equipment, bringing my monthly TV bill to $34 down from over $200. I might even shut down cable entirely if we go another month without watching TV. We'd be DVD and Internet only, which is fine by me.

Fortunately I balanced everything out by spending nearly $300 on a grocery shopping run. I found some good deals on syrup and the like, hopefully supplying us for months to come. I also ended up buying meat, feeling wholly inadequate with my purchases. Joanna wanted to make jerky, and hopefully I got the necessary ingredients. Finally it was home for laundry, making a big bowl of salad, and putting a few things away before heading over to Joanna's for the night. I tried to call the kids to check in, but they were watching a show and then it was bedtime. I'm excited to see them tomorrow.

Tonight Joanna and I are going to a pageant at a high school, a fundraiser for Children's Miracle Network. We'll take pictures and video, and hang out with teenagers. I'm secretly hoping I'll be crowned the pageant king, making up for years of neglect in high school.

Song Circle

April 08, 2010 by Adam in Adam

I said farewell to Sam and Emma Wednesday morning, worked away writing code, and headed to Joanna's house for dinner. There were fresh eggs from the chickens and steamed kale from the garden. Berry and Duncan were cheerful and funny, with not a single Tear of Suffering.

Joanna and I drove to song circle, the Droid guiding us through the sketchier parts of Springfield. We were the youngest people there, as usual, and the quirky gang was welcoming and funny. I ended up picking Janis Joplin's Mercedez-Benz and Take Me Home, Country Roads. It made for a fun evening and we snuck out early since it's a work night for us unretired people.

Seraph is in town and I'm going to watch her and Jenny get tattoos tonight. I'm the art resource, as they'll be getting one that matches what Sadie and I have gotten. I guess that means the four of us can get together when the Earth needs us most and transform into a giant robot. Or something.

Spring is Almost Here

March 18, 2010 by Adam in Adam

I realized I hadn't posted anything in my own section of the web site since the end of July. Clearly this site need some more self-indulgent reflection on the part of the webmeister. The house was pretty quiet last night, as the kids were off with Jamie and I was running errands and working on the house. I got a tremendous amount of things done, including:

• Replacing Sam's holy sheets with freshly purchased ones from Target
• Doing three massive loads of laundry
• Cleaning the refrigerator
• Sweeping the front steps
• Planting potatoes
• Baking banana bread
• Buying Emma some new clothes
• Dying eggs
• Cooking beets
• Painting the spackle-marks in the living room
• Going food shopping

I'm self-aware enough to realize that my frenzied activity comes from missing my kids and wanting to fill the time with something productive. On the plus side, my house feels increasingly put together. I did manage to Skype Emma for awhile, which cheered me up until it was time for her to get ready for bed. I do miss that girl.

I arranged for the event by chatting with Sam via the Steam game service. I also let him know I bought him jerky so he'd avoid eating me when the food ran out on our upcoming camping trip. The garnished an "lol" from him. I think I've generally grown used to my new life. It still feels like a transition, but the changes don't feel too overwhelming and the people I care about are doing well. I sometimes wish I had more time doing self-indulgent things like reading a book, but then I'd have to give up something I enjoy even more.

Four Days

January 26, 2010 by Adam in Adam

I keep contemplating the fact that Jamie will be moving in four days. We've been transitioning for awhile now, with Jamie out most nights and here in the morning only to get the kids ready for school. Next Monday that'll be my job and I'll be working later to compensate, picking up the kids at Jamie's house and taking them home. Maybe I can work an extra half hour in the morning from home, as the evenings already feel frantically busy.

Last night I was working on the dishwasher after putting Emma to sleep. I would have much rather settled down for the night and had a bowl of cereal, but the dishwasher wasn't going to fix itself and it was better to do it then than try to schedule someone to fix it. It felt like a preview of single parenthood to come, the reality that I needed to rely on myself and just take care of things.

I've been feeling for Joanna, as the father of her kids packed up his belongings and headed for New York last weekend. I think the weight of single parenthood is hitting her hard, having recently moved to Eugene and only having her mom around to help with the day-to-day problems of life. It makes me appreciate Jamie, and her willingness to be reasonable and stay involved in the kids' lives.

Fortunately life isn't entirely bleak hardship. I worked with the Comcast folks to get Internet access turned on and Sam was amazed at how fast everything was. "How did you do that?" he asked when I showed him some YouTube videos. I'll be rewiring my network soon, hopefully finding a way to keep this site up and running after switching from DSL.

The kids are doing surprisingly well. Emma got an award for being good in class. Sam is ahead with his homework and loving his new laptop. Last night he and Josh were chatting and playing online games. I've been encouraging it, as it's improving his typing skills considerably. Emma helped me cook yaki soba, tofu, and snap peas. She did a great job and is learning to be careful with knives and hot things.

Tonight the kids and I are going out to dinner, courtesy of my work. Hopefully my fiddling with the dishwasher did the trick. I have endless lists of projects, and am trying to accomplish a few each day. Hopefully I can call up the irrigation guy and get something set up soon. I'm itching to start my garden.

Tattoo

January 16, 2010 by Adam in Adam

After work last night, I scrambled to put together meals for everyone.  Sam, Josh, and Joanna all appeared at 5:30, so I was frantically putting food on the table and getting ready to go.  Getting to the tattoo parlor was almost relaxing in comparison, though Emma entertained us all with her witty dinner conversation.

We went to High Priestess, which is the top tattoo parlor in town.  There's still that certain vibe you get in such a place, and the man behind the counter was entirely covered in tattoos and piercings.  Everyone was quite friendly, with the only snafu of the evening being that the artist who did Sadie had lost the artwork.  Fortunately I'd printed out a picture of Sadie's tattoo moments before leaving, so I could give that to him.

The tattoo itself hurt, but not incredibly so.  It also went a lot faster than I thought it might.  The kids were fascinated, especially Emma, who kept wanting to talk about it when we got home.

As for me, I'm happy with the way it turned out.  After temporary tattoos for months, it's nice to have a real thing on my wrist.

Oh, and the money I used to pay the tattoo artist was from dad's Christmas money.  Thanks, dad!

So I'm Dating Joanna . . .

January 10, 2010 by Adam in Adam

I'm working on getting out the big reveals today, those funny little things that I haven't told people publically yet.  I'm not very good with secrets and I live my life pretty openly, as people with blogs often do.  Last night after Avatar I was texting a note to Joanna when my mom and Sam sat down next to me.  My mom made a comment to Sam about how cute it was I had a girlfriend, to which I replied "Uh, I haven't actually told him yet." 

Fortunately everything seems to be working out for the best.  Sam and I had a good chat last night and he took the opportunity to make fun of me, so I think we're okay.  Jamie's known for a few weeks, but I had another check in with her last night.  Her preference is to not tell Emma for awhile, which I can understand.  Sam suggested I call Joanna my "friend", complete with the finger quotes and funny emphasis.  It's hard not to see the humor in the situation.

As for me, I find myself surprisingly happy.  Joanna and I have been friends for some time, meeting in the gym after my marriage fell apart and I was blabbing away to everyone.  She's in the process of getting divorced as well, so we talked about that and discovered we had a lot in common beyond our situations.  She was my swing dance partner for a month, and eventually we decided to move beyond friendship.

I'm usually asked about Joanna and her life at this point, so here's the quick synopsis.  She's originaly from England, moving away when she was ten to Barbados, and Florida at fourteen.  A writer by trade, Joann works for the Foundation in my building.  She lives with her mom, who's French, a four year-old son named Duncan, and a two year-old daughter named Berry.  Like me, her spouse still lives with her, leading to all manner of zany hijinks.  We have a pool going to see which of our spouses will move out first.

I realize that our lives are complicated, and we're in the middle of major transitions.  We've been seeing a counselor to make sure we're doing healthy things and being mindful of the people around us.  I also know this isn't a rebound relationship or anything frivilous, so it feels good to talk about her openly.  I'd like people to get used to Joanna's presence in my life.

The only other big reveal is that I've started going to church on Sundays.  It's the Unity church, which is low-key and uplifting.  It's odd in some ways, being a scientist at heart and going to a place that talks about God.  Fortunately I like the particular style of this church, which is somewhat non-traditional and is more towards the philosophical end of spirituality.  It's a good place to think about big issues.  Sometimes I substitute "the universe" in my head when they talk about God, which works pretty well for me.  I assured Sam he didn't have to go, though he did have some questions for me that I need to get back to some day.  I should ask Dave his thoughts on going to church as well, as it seems a similar situation in some regards.

Speaking of which, I better clean the kitchen and head off to church.  So much for doing some food shopping while Jamie has the kids this morning.

Since Joanna is a blogger and self-proclaimed "geeky nature girl", you can read more about her on her site.